Working Harder Than The Person You're Leading Is The Worst Way To Move Them Forward
I might rock your boat a little with this one, so stay with me.
Something can happen in certain points of a leadership /coaching relationship. I tend to notice it’s felt before fully identified.
Working harder than the person I'm working with.
This doesnt happen because they don't care anymore. Most care very deeply about what’s going on in their world. They showed up, they signed up, they named what they wanted. The intention was sincere.
But somewhere between saying I need this and actually doing the work of getting there, something takes a pivot. And without either of us completely noticing, I started rowing the boat and they start waiting to arrive.
Nobody can make you do something you do not want to do. Not a coach. Not a mentor. Not the most skilled facilitator in the world. The sooner you see that, the more you'll actually get out of any personal and professional process YOU invest in.
The map versus the rowing
I know the water. I've either navigated it myself or I've sat beside enough women who have, that I can read the tides and patterns well, the places people get stuck, the tributaries that look like the right way but aren't. That's what I bring. That's what every good coach brings.
But knowing the water isn't the same as doing the rowing.
And if you're sitting in the boat waiting to be taken somewhere while your coach mentor or leader is doing the work, you're not going to get there. Not because they aren't skilled enough. Because that's not how this works.
It's not a delivery service. It's a navigation partnership.
If you've changed your mind, that matters too
Sometimes people show up for coaching knowing what they want to change. And then somewhere in the process, quietly and often unconsciously, they change their mind or original intention. The destination they originally pointed to stops feeling like the right direction. Or a different one starts pulling at them.
That's not a failure. That's information.
But if you don't name it, your coach will still be committed to supporting you toward the original coordinates while you're not entirely sure you want to go there anymore. You can feel yourself dragging. They can feel you dragging. And all the skill in the world won't close that gap, because the real issue isn't the route. It's that you've moved.
Am I not quite ready to go where I said I wanted to go? Or have I changed my mind about where that actually is?
Those are worth asking and the original priority revisted.
What a good coaching relationship actually looks like
Your coach holds the high view point. They can see things you genuinely cannot see when you're inside your own boat, dealing with your own weather patterns. The tides. The places other people have run aground. The way through when visibility is low.
They're ready to go with you wherever you decide to go.
But it's you who decides the where and how far. And if you need to stay in one place longer than you planned, a good coach won't rush you. They'll keep the light on. They'll keep pointing back to what you said you wanted at the start, so you don't lose sight of it when the water gets choppy.
That's the relationship. Not someone pulling you forward while you wait to arrive.
You do the rowing. With someone who knows the water beside you.
If you're thinking about what kind of support actually fits where you're at right now, I'd love to have that chat with you. There's more conversations like this throughout the website and you can find me at leadingrein.com.au.